Good Kissers and Bad Kissers

Some kisses are memorable because they made your knees go weak; others because you can’t believe you had to endure them.

For me, the best kisser was the first guy I ever fell in love with (no offense to my husband since I think “first love” kisses often get a positively skewed rating). Best Kisser was the type who would savor the moment, caress my face a little, and often pull me into the best bear hugs afterward. We were in college and, oh, he broke my heart…but we weren’t meant to be together. I knew that eventually, but it took me nearly two years to get over him.

Worst Kisser was a high school friend I got back in touch a year after finishing college. We could laugh for hours and have the best time—as friends. Our one date proved that we were not intended to be anything more, unless I’d wanted a boyfriend who doubled as a slobbering golden retriever. Ugh.

What makes a good kisser, anyway? Are there any general standards most women will agree with? I searched the internet and found an article “borrowed” from a 1995 Esquire magazine entitled “How to Kiss a Woman.” The author was dead-on in her advice. She described how the bad kisser is constantly thinking about what base the two of them are likely to get on, while the good kisser “sees the kiss as the destination itself.” His sole focus in that moment is the kiss. And the author is right: a man who thinks like the good kisser is far more likely to get a woman thinking about what base the two of them will likely get on. (The article can be found at

Referring back to my previous post, that first kiss is critical to whether you plan or want to see someone again. I couldn’t wait to be with Best Kisser again after that first time. Despite a wonderful friendship with Worst Kisser, he and I never contacted each other again after that hideous first, and only, date.

I’ll say this much about my husband: the first time he really kissed me sealed the deal. Weak knees, butterflies in my stomach, the whole shebang. And by the time I’d met him, I’d had plenty of first kisses to compare his to so I knew what I liked in a kiss. Add to that wonderful kiss that we could talk about anything; I knew early on he had potential to be my Mr. Right. If he’d been another golden retriever, though, I wouldn’t have gone out with him again, let alone married him.

So, what makes a good or bad kisser for you? Are you a good kisser…or a bad kisser? Is your response based on your own perceptions or from what you’ve been told? Any worst experiences you want to share? (Think of it as healing therapy!)

Next week: First Dates

Be sure to check out other author blogs:

First Kisses

First kisses fascinate me.

I’ll admit up front that I’m a romantic. I cry at sappy movies and will reread sections of novels when the two favorite characters (because the author wrote them that way) finally kiss for the first time. I love flirty dialogue and all of those “almost” moments that keep me baited. For me, UST—unsatisfied sexual tension—for ten chapters often trumps the first romp in the sack. Why? Because I sometimes miss that one aspect of being single.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve been married for nearly twenty years to a man who still knows how to sweep me off my feet. What I’m talking about is that butterflies-in-your-stomach unknown that you feel when you’re hoping that first kiss, that first “I like you enough to try this” moment, will happen. For those of us in a long-term relationship, we may have already experienced the last first kiss we’ll ever have.

That’s why I write flirty romance. I readily ‘fess up that I live vicariously through my (younger and thinner) characters who are always conveniently single when the story begins. The heroes in their lives have many of the qualities of my husband—a nice mix of honesty, intelligence, good looks, and quirky humor—but they’re also (sorry, hon) nearly superhuman in their perfection. Each one has flaws that are either endearing or will magically disappear once my heroine, his soul mate, comes along. Love will conquer all, and the couple will live happily ever after, guaranteed, because, like I said, I’m a romantic.

But what of that first kiss? It’s often the pivotal moment in the lighter (PG-13) romances. I like story lines where that first kiss is just intense enough get the point across; no more, no less. I was watching my favorite episode of The Office the other night. It’s the one where, after lots of UST between the loveable Jim and an engaged Pam, he confronts her in the office parking lot one night and finally tells her he’s in love with her. When she doesn’t return the sentiment, a heart-breaking single tear rolls down his face. “I just wanted you to know,” he tells her as he swipes the tear away. But then, inside the building, Pam has called her mother, and you realize she’s admitting she’s confused by the confession of her “best friend”—who has followed her into the office. It’s just the two of them in a dimly lit room. Pam hangs up the phone, and Jim immediately swoops in and kisses her. No words, no hesitation. He has to have that first kiss, even if it’ll also be the last.

Ahhh…I melt at scenes like that.

Getting that first kiss is like diving into a pool you’ve never been in. You’re literally taking the plunge (well, not that plunge…yet), and you won’t know until you’re in the water whether it was a good decision or not. You won’t know if the water is warm and inviting or ice cold. You don’t know if the person you dove into the water for is right there waiting for you, or if that person and some important part of your bathing suit are suddenly nowhere to be found.

I like to think all first kisses are worth it. They generally let you know whether or not a second kiss is imminent. How about you? Care to share your best first kiss experience? (And don’t worry, I’m planning another blog post where we can share our worst experiences too.)

Blog Hop

Welcome to my brand new web site!

This is my very first blog post—ever. While my author friends have been blogging for over a year, I’ve been avoiding it, thinking my cyber-plate was full with building my friends list on Facebook and occasionally posting on Twitter. Besides, my first web site was more a cure for insomnia than a home base for an up-and-coming contemporary romance author. It was boring! I didn’t want people visiting my web site, especially once I saw how dynamic and interactive others’ sites were.

Bottom line: I was overwhelmed. I was technologically undereducated to create a site, let alone have one that included opportunities to share thoughts with others. I wanted to join my friends in the social media scene, but I had nothing to wear.

And then came Christine, the Fairy Godmother to my Cinderella. I proclaim far and wide my profound and sincere appreciation for Christine, my friend who is now also my web master. She not only has created this site but has been ever so patient with me in all of my tech-stupidity.

Now that I have a site I can be proud of (and it’s still under construction so more is yet to come), and it’s a site from which I can blog, I am once again overwhelmed—this time by what to blog about. Even on Facebook and Twitter, I’m not one to post what I ate for breakfast as “news.” Few events in my life are interesting enough to be worth sharing, but I’m willing to come up with topics that you will, I hope, find entertaining.

I’ll also keep going with Facebook; I admit I like the interaction that it offers. I like posting and getting posts, communicating with all sorts of people, including those who have read Passion Fish and The Bridge, authors, and those interested in becoming an author. Twitter seems kind of one-sided—everyone posts, but I wonder how many take the time to read what others put. Perhaps I’m wrong or just haven’t gotten the hang of it yet. I’m not giving up, though. Maybe I’ll use Twitter more now that I have this beautiful new web site and blog, inviting people to come read my latest musings. I hope I’ll develop a following. I’m a glass-is-half-full kind of gal so I’ll remain optimistic.

My second blog post, titled First Kisses, will be posted tomorrow (have I piqued your interest??). I hope you’ll come check it out and, if you’re willing, let me know what you think.

: ) AO