Good Kissers and Bad Kissers

Some kisses are memorable because they made your knees go weak; others because you can’t believe you had to endure them.

For me, the best kisser was the first guy I ever fell in love with (no offense to my husband since I think “first love” kisses often get a positively skewed rating). Best Kisser was the type who would savor the moment, caress my face a little, and often pull me into the best bear hugs afterward. We were in college and, oh, he broke my heart…but we weren’t meant to be together. I knew that eventually, but it took me nearly two years to get over him.

Worst Kisser was a high school friend I got back in touch a year after finishing college. We could laugh for hours and have the best time—as friends. Our one date proved that we were not intended to be anything more, unless I’d wanted a boyfriend who doubled as a slobbering golden retriever. Ugh.

What makes a good kisser, anyway? Are there any general standards most women will agree with? I searched the internet and found an article “borrowed” from a 1995 Esquire magazine entitled “How to Kiss a Woman.” The author was dead-on in her advice. She described how the bad kisser is constantly thinking about what base the two of them are likely to get on, while the good kisser “sees the kiss as the destination itself.” His sole focus in that moment is the kiss. And the author is right: a man who thinks like the good kisser is far more likely to get a woman thinking about what base the two of them will likely get on. (The article can be found at

Referring back to my previous post, that first kiss is critical to whether you plan or want to see someone again. I couldn’t wait to be with Best Kisser again after that first time. Despite a wonderful friendship with Worst Kisser, he and I never contacted each other again after that hideous first, and only, date.

I’ll say this much about my husband: the first time he really kissed me sealed the deal. Weak knees, butterflies in my stomach, the whole shebang. And by the time I’d met him, I’d had plenty of first kisses to compare his to so I knew what I liked in a kiss. Add to that wonderful kiss that we could talk about anything; I knew early on he had potential to be my Mr. Right. If he’d been another golden retriever, though, I wouldn’t have gone out with him again, let alone married him.

So, what makes a good or bad kisser for you? Are you a good kisser…or a bad kisser? Is your response based on your own perceptions or from what you’ve been told? Any worst experiences you want to share? (Think of it as healing therapy!)

Next week: First Dates

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8 Responses to Good Kissers and Bad Kissers

  1. C.A.

    Best kisses are, I agree, focused on the kiss as the destination. Best first kiss is best if it’s innocent; if the kissers take cues from each other; if the kissers do not bring their agenda to the kiss; if the joy is in the kissing; if there is enough learning to provoke a desire for more – over time. Best first kisses are memorable treasures – bells do ring, toes do curl.

    • Yes, the best kisses I ever had still make me smile. : )

  2. I love these kissing posts! I’ve been told I’m a good kisser, and I choose to believe it. 😉 Love the idea of the kiss as the destination itself. Worst kisser ever was my high school boyfriend – ALL tongue, bleh. But young, naive me didn’t realize what she was missing until going off to college and meeting good kisser #1.

    • Thanks, Nicki! I’ll be continuing this theme over the next few weeks, with tentative titles/topics such as First Dates, Blind Dates, and Other Things That Make a Girl Swoon. It’s all leading up to a blog about the Passion Fish game.

      Your high school guy and mine must have learned from the same bad source! I hope they eventually learned that “less is more” in situations like this.

  3. Debra Anastasia (@Debra_Anastasia)

    Totally agree that sloppy kisses are the worst. Sometimes for me it was how the lips tasted. I love my husband’s lips. Just meant to be together I guess!

    • What a wonderful post — I would love your husband to chance upon this blog because I’m guessing it would make him smile. : )

  4. Kissing is one of my favorite intimate acts. More proof that it’s the process, not the outcome, that’s important. I’m not a big fan of the guy sticking his tongue down my throat for the first kiss. Facial caressing is key. 😉

  5. The best kisses are the ones that start out innocent. They start slow, just a taste. Maybe his lips linger a breath away, making my knees weak before his lips have even met mine. I’m all for the romance and agree the best kisses are when the kiss is the destination.

    Worst kiss was in high school for me too. I felt like I needed to go wash my mouth afterward, and I might have. Way to wet and sloppy.

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